Today's Conversational Topic:

DATING: HOW?

because i can't be the only person in this place who struggles with that most basic of concepts. all my exes have either been douchebags, nazis, or reckless hero types who end up dead. which isn't a stellar track record and would scare most sensible people away so you can see where i'm coming from.

and i know, i know, i could help all the old ladies across the street while i'm here, i don't need to go down the handholding route, but i'm pretty sure bingo club has taken out a restraining order. maybe i want to get back on that scary, scary horse. but here i am, pushing a certain decade, and i have no idea where to start. also, kind of still suspicious.

so tips! pointers! anything! no, not anything. if anyone says 'just be yourself' they're going to regret it. i did that. ex still ended up a nazi. blah blah.

so how would you get your groove back, cadelle?

( Also if anyone tries to reverse-engineer this post, they get redirected here. )

So. Hi. Again. Uh, this is Scott...again.

[one day he will learn how to be cool. one day.]

I know this message will probably seem weird to a lot of people here, but...

[a shrug. it's something he knows he should've offered months ago. back when he'd first come back to cadelle with a new found appreciation for just what he is.]

The full moon was just over a week ago, and I know that it's something that probably doesn't matter to most of you. But for some of us here, it's kind of a big deal.

[to put it mildly]

Getting through a full moon is a lot easier when you have a distraction. I've got my friends here. My pack. [and if his smile happens to get a lot softer as he mentions them? well, he doesn't regret it at all. they're his family.] We've got each others backs if we need it. Which kind of brings me to the whole point of this message.

[finally.]

If there's anyone out there who needs a hand during the next full moon, we're here. [yeah, sorry gang. you don't get a say in this.] Whether you need someone to run with, or just someone to talk to for the night, let me know. You don't need to go through it alone.

[and that's it. or at least, that would be it if scott wasn't hit with a sudden realization--]

Werewolves. I'm talking about werewolves. Sorry.

[smoothest mf in the city. now he's really going to hang up. sorry again, cadelle.]

( Sansa isn't the best at navigating the network but she does know how to use some basic options here and there. She knows how to respond to a video in video and she knows how to send a text but at the moment, she's trying to send a text with photographs. The photographs in question are explicit for her: lying in bed with naught but a sheet to cover her, standing and turned to the side while wearing only her corset and chemise, a photograph of her with loose hair and parted lips that's close enough that she can see the blush in her skin. She attaches them to a text message and sends them out, hoping to surprise Miles with her new use of technology for his benefit. )

I attached a few things you may find interesting. Open them in a private place?

( When Sansa hears her own device chirp as soon as it's sent, she frowns a bit and checks her network timeline. Oh no. Oh no. She immediately makes an urgent post to the network while trying to figure out how to delete the original one. )

PLEASE DON'T LOOK AT MY LAST POST. IT WASN'T MEANT FOR EVERYONE! I DIDN'T MEAN FOR ANYONE TO SEE IT EXCEPT BABY.

( Sansa tosses the device away and calls Lady to her, deciding to simply hide in her house until she figures out how to delete that post and everyone has forgotten her face. )

[Steve Trevor is a smart guy. He knows how to do a lot of things. (And if you don't believe that, he's got some stories he can tell you.) But this? This has him more than a little out of his depth.]

So we could use a little help. Does anyone know anything about training a puppy? [It turns out that even doing all the research into how to do it doesn't make much of a difference when faced with the reality.

The puppy in question pokes his head into the frame, a shoe dangling from his mouth, before disappearing again. Steve disappears too, presumably rescuing the shoe from its would-be destroyer.]

That is not a toy! [He sits back down to address the camera again.]

He'll supposedly grow out of it, but first everything we own has to make it to that point.

[There's a crash in the background, and the sound of something breaking.]

Apollo, no! [Steve yells after the dog before getting up to chase after him, and the video turns off.]

[ The video opens up and Alex is clearly standing inside a less-than-classy porn store and the camera is tilted just a little bit, because he's propped his Cuddlephone up against the cash register. If he's nervous, it doesn't show beyond the gesture of running his hand through his moppy curls before he speaks. ]

Hey, so...I'm Alex. I'm new here and I don't think I know...like anybody. Except you. [ He smirks and points at the camera and winks. ] You know who you are. [ The playful expression drops away again for something a little bit more serious as he continues. ]

Anyway, so...I tried to get a job at the local uh...toy store...but that shit was way too classy for a guy like me. And I got to thinking...it might be too classy for other people, too. It's intimidating, a little, right? Trying to buy sex toys in a shop that looks like you could get kicked out for wearing sweatpants or breaking something by accident?

Whatever, so I talked to, uh... [ He waves a hand in a fluttery gesture as he tries to recall the correct phrase. ] city officials or whatever and told them I'd be down to manage a new place if they wanted to, you know, put one somewhere. Their suggestion was that I take out a loan and open one myself, so...I said fuck it and I did. Shit gets done fast around here, so...

[ He picks up the camera and does a quick-ish pan of the store before propping the Cuddlephone back up against the register. ]

She ain't much, but she's open for business. Also! I'm hiring. So...you know. That's a thing. Come get paid a little over minimum wage to stand around having dildo fights and watching Netflix or whatever when there's no customers. I imagine it'll be a while before we get busy enough to, you know, not be doing that.

Any takers for the job? If not, hopefully at least I'll see some of you popping in. Help a guy out. It would really bruise a bro's pride to crash and burn at their first attempt to make an entrepreneur of themselves and you don't want to be a contributor to that, do you?

[ Cue the little grin that cuts dimples into his cheeks. ]

So I'll see you there. Here. Adult World. Come check it out. Deuces!

[ He salutes the camera then and the feed cuts. ]

( the feed opens to the view of a young blonde woman, currently seated at a bright white desk in what's unmistakably a former storage room turned office space. they hadn't exactly given her the space... but it wasn't being used, so she's commandeered it for herself. nobody's told her not to, either, so what's the harm?

she's smiling, today, pearly whites beamed into the general direction of the camera; there's a natural friendliness to her tone that makes it clear she's particularly enthusiastic about this. )

Hi, everyone. My name is Caroline Forbes, and I'm broadcasting today on behalf of Cadelle's Social Committee. If you've never heard of them, they're — well, we're, obviously — the administrative team that puts together all of the great events here in the city that we all go to, like the Match Meetings or the — ( a pause, as her gaze dips down to consult a list on her desk ) — the ball?

( rude. she can't believe she missed out on a ball. well, no matter. they'll just have to have another one. not that caroline's coffee fetching and to-do list accomplishing really gives her the power to determine the social calendar, but a girl can dream. )

Right. So, the spring Energy Festival is coming up later this month, and we're looking for volunteers to help set up and run the different booths and festival experiences. Especially from anybody tall, because we only have three ladders and these banners just won't hang themselves. Or, I guess, if you can fly, that might be helpful too...

( a snort of laughter from someone in the background, and caroline's brows furrow together in frustration for just a moment before she's right back at it, focused and determined to get to the end of her message. )

I'm here in City Hall until five today, so please come see me if you want to sign up or if you have any questions! Left wing, blue hallway, room 56-A! Okay, hope to see you soon!

( aaaand end feed. )

[Malia got super excited when she thought she got some deer jerky as a random thank you gift from the city. Then she actually smelt it and she was very disappointed to find out that it wasn't real meat. :(

It's not that she has anything vegans, they can do whatever they want with their bodies and their appetites and if they want to eat bird food then that's fine. But Malia likes meat. In fact, Malia loves meat. So she is zero interest in eating this jerky, thank you very much.

But she's not going to let it go to waste, either, and hey! Maybe she can get some bonus "nice person" points by giving it away, hence this video of Malia lying on her stomach crushing a cute plush coyote underneath her as she talks.]

Anybody like vegan jerky?

[She'll hold up one of the bags and dangle it in front of the camera.]

I got some as a gift from the city, but fake meat is weird. Free to anyone who wants it.

[Please take it off her hands, thank you.]