001 ℳ video ; @malia } { when you give vegan jerky to a carnivore ...

[wildkingdom]

[Malia got super excited when she thought she got some deer jerky as a random thank you gift from the city. Then she actually smelt it and she was very disappointed to find out that it wasn't real meat. :(

It's not that she has anything vegans, they can do whatever they want with their bodies and their appetites and if they want to eat bird food then that's fine. But Malia likes meat. In fact, Malia loves meat. So she is zero interest in eating this jerky, thank you very much.

But she's not going to let it go to waste, either, and hey! Maybe she can get some bonus "nice person" points by giving it away, hence this video of Malia lying on her stomach crushing a cute plush coyote underneath her as she talks.]

Anybody like vegan jerky?

[She'll hold up one of the bags and dangle it in front of the camera.]

I got some as a gift from the city, but fake meat is weird. Free to anyone who wants it.

[Please take it off her hands, thank you.]

Comments

[ video ] » username: scarletwitch

[divaricate]

Well, that sounds horrific.

[Just keeping it real, Malia.]

I need to agree with you here.

[wildkingdom]

[She shrugs a bit.]

It's not that horrific. I mean, I'm sure there's people who don't eat meat that like them. I just really like meat.

[She doesn't understand why people wouldn't want to eat meat, meat is great, but she's been told that it's a legitimate choice people can make so it's their funeral.]

[divaricate]

I just ... am very unsure how that would taste.

Any takers on it yet, at least?

[wildkingdom]

[She shakes her head.]

Not yet. Probably because these people are smart.

video; un: eunoia

[sanguinescry]

( if she looks amused when her video pops up on the screen, it's because she is. Lydia knows how much Malia loves meat, entirely too well — especially venison, if Lydia's not mistaken — and to hear her offer out vegan jerky is more than a little funny. )

Ew, even I think that sounds gross. You poor thing. You wanna go get some real jerky? I'm sure they'll have it somewhere around here.

[wildkingdom]

Yes.

[Yes, let's go in search of real meat. That sounds like a better way of spending her time.]

Or even just a steak sounds good right now.

[sanguinescry]

...actually, yeah, that sounds better to me. We can just go out to dinner at the steakhouse.

Are you free right now, or should we just meet there later?

( Lydia doesn't really have a preference, but when she says "now," technically, that means half an hour or so from now after she's had time to make herself more presentable. )

[wildkingdom]

Now's good!

[She understands what now means, and she'd get there anyway.]

Do you want to meet here or at the steakhouse?

[sanguinescry]

We can meet over there, I'll swing by in a few.

[wildkingdom]

Sounds good. I'll see you there.

[And she will be dressed and ready to go, and waiting outside the restaurant when Lydia gets there, strolling through other network posts and what not.]

video; un: hale

[duelo]

[ To say that Derek looks appalled by the idea of vegan jerky is an understatement, but he isn't actually surprised that she says it's a gift from the city. They screwed up his gift, too. It's partially why he hadn't gone anywhere near those damn wishing wells, because he hadn't even been able to get his simple request of his money from home without having to carry around these stupid over-sized checks to cash in at the individual shops around here. It's humiliating, but it affords him the time to volunteer at the shelter when he's not at work, so he does it.

Grudgingly, but still. ]

Gross. We could go for a hunt, if you want. They don't ever get anything right, do they?

[wildkingdom]

[Malia doesn't have quite as big a grudge against the city, though she would have definitely laughed a lot at those very large checks.]

It wasn't all bad. They gave me this too.

[And she'll pull up a plush coyote and hold it for Derek to see.]

It's pretty cute.

[duelo]

[ Seeing the additional gift, Derek smiles a little. ]

Oh see, okay, at least that softens the blow a little. Yeah, he's cute.

You know, I feel like they actually have jerky subscription boxes back home. I wonder if they do that sort of thing here. It's like you get a box of whatever, samples or something of different jerky every month or whatever for like twenty bucks or something. If you find something like that around here, let me know. I'll get you one. ...maybe I'll get me one, too...

[wildkingdom]

I'll check it out.

[She doesn't know if they have much of an online order business here, but it might be worth investigating. Or maybe there's a local place that also has jerky.]

So what have you gotten from the city?

[Since he was very specific about his dislike of their gifts.]

[duelo]

It's worth a shot, anyway.

[ He might look, too, just to see if he can find anything she might miss. ]

Oh, I asked for my money from home. Instead, I got those giant, stupid checks like when you win the lottery. They're really obnoxious.

[wildkingdom]

[She snorts, because that sounds hilarious, since it's not happening to her.]

Did they at least give you an ATM card?

[duelo]

No, that would've been nice, right? No, and they're not even like blank checks that I can take to the bank, they're like giant gift cards or something, to all the places around here. They're useful, but they're a real pain in my ass.

[ He grins a little. ]

I'm glad at least one of us finds it amusing.

[wildkingdom]

[Things are always annoying to the person they're happening to and funny when they're not. That is the way the world works according to Malia.]

I'm sure if it wasn't happening to you, you'd find it kind of funny too.

[fadingspark]

Is it even jerky if it's not meat?

[wildkingdom]

That's what the bag says.

[She shrugs as though to say "I don't make the rules."]

[fadingspark]

Well, the bag is wrong. The literal definition of jerky is meat that has been cured by being cut into long, thin strips and dried.

Keyword being MEAT.

[wildkingdom]

But aren't there vegan versions of everything these days?

[Meat can be faked. Or at least that's what the theory is by all this stuff.]

[fadingspark]

Yeah and they are all wrong.

[wildkingdom]

I'll take your word for it.

[She usually does when it comes to Stiles' view of the world.]

[fadingspark]

So why did the city give you jerky anyway? Does it give you gifts often?

[wildkingdom]

I dunno. This is the first time I've gotten something, but apparently Derek's gotten stuff before.

[fadingspark]

Stuff? what kind of stuff?

[wildkingdom]

[She holds out her hands wide to the sides.]

Giant checks that he has to use to pay for stuff.

[fadingspark]

..... [and nope, he is going to just snort and start laughing at the image in his head]

[wildkingdom]

[She smirks.]

Yeah, I thought it was pretty funny too.

[fadingspark]

Please tell me someone's got pictures of that

[wildkingdom]

I have no idea. He just told me about it now.

[But maybe someone else was looking out for their need to make fun of Derek.]