1. TEXT ➳ UN: ALIGHT

[risers]

[ it comes in the middle of the night: ]

The more you take, the more you leave behind. What am I?

[ though he could easily write a post to engage with the network at large, doing that is too simple. alec isn't too interested in placing more of his personal information online for anyone to find — privacy is key, and being in the shadows is literally what he does best. ]

[ in other words: alec's bored but doesn't want to be clary levels of social. ]

Comments

[risers]

[ ... tf. ]

[ alec stares at this, and stares at this, and stares at this. max had made him watch "back to the future" over and over and over until the cows literally came home, but time travel and time machines are not his forte. he's unresponsive for a good solid minute before he so eloquently answers: ]

What?

[viber]

Trust me, this is sorta my jam so
time travel is weird shit and that is legit possible and I can draw you a diagram
but
how about we just call this a win on my end.

Come on, dude, you're like 0 to 2

I'm DESTROYING you.

[risers]

Technically you're destroying yourself not answering them correctly.

[ but, he'll relent. don't be such a sourpuss, alec. he can hear everyone he know telling him this at this very moment. ]

What did the peanut butter say to the bread?

[viber]

You say that but nothing I've said has been wrong.

[He's not a riddle guy, never been one, he is a problem solver. This is how he's solving his problems.]

I dunno, dude
Depends on the bread
Are we talking like gluten free or whole wheat? White bread or that fifty/fifty stuff?

[risers]

[ the angel help him. ]

White bread.

How does it depend on the bread? Bread is bread.

[viber]

Bread is not just bread, okay?
Let's just establish this now.

like

I'm sorry but if the peanut butter was talking to some weird gluten free bread or rye bread then it's gonna be like 'yo, you suck' cause that kind of bread always sucks

and wholemeal is wrong for peanut butter, you know?

[risers]

[ omg. ]

For the record, the peanut butter likes all types of bread. There's no point of discriminating.

So what did the peanut butter say to the white bread?

1/?

[viber]

I want to be all over you!

2/3

[viber]

woah
okay
no
wait

that came out way dirtier and sexier than I actually meant it to
That's my bad

3/3

[viber]

I deserve butter than this?
I loaf you?

I was going to write another bread pun but i thought this was getting a little

stale

[COMEDY GENIUS RIGHT HERE.]

[risers]

[ ... ]

Quit loafing around, the bread's way past stale.

[ the answer to the riddle is in the first three words, but alec doesn't want to tell cisco. in fact, he wants to replace that answer wtih cisco's numerous ones. ]

You 3
Alec 0

I'll gracefully concede. It's what bread does to peanut butter.

[viber]

See, now you get it.
The beautiful logic of Cisco Ramon.
You're so lucky.

I would give you a riddle but I think that'd just create a bigger mess

and I'm tentatively afraid at this rate, you'll kill me in my sleep with a bag of bread and a jar of peanut butter.

[risers]

I wouldn't kill you with a bag of bread and a jar of peanut butter. I'd kill you with gluten free and wholemeal bread with a jar of peanut butter.

You seem to have issues with breads that aren't white. What happened?

[ ftr, he only asks because this cisco ramon seems to be high on angel blood, which means his answer is bound to be insanely interesting. ]

[viber]

I don't think I have to explain why gluten free bread sucks cause it just really does. And wholemeal?

Okay, so, you know what sucks?
Going to school when you're like, you know, a tiny kid
and it's lunch time and everyone has fun food like snack packs and pudding cups
SANDWICHES ON WHITE BREAD WITH NO CRUSTS
Dope stuff, you know?

Then your mom made you some weird healthy wholemeal bread sandwich.
With crusts.
And it tastes like adulthood and you're still so young and

Look, it just sucks, okay?

[Let's just not go there, okay? There's a lot of bread based trauma here.]

Also the ultimate PB&J is made with white bread and everyone knows it.

[risers]

[ fry squint. ]

How can bread taste like adulthood? It either tastes like wheat, butter, or whatever you put on it.

[ that's not the point, alec, and you know it. ]

Your mother did really rough by you. But you have to grow up and face the facts: Bread is bread, and you should eat it if you want to continue growing.

[viber]

When it tastes like wholemeal.
Dante always got white bread. Sucked.

[Not that Dante doesn't bring up incredible sadness in him but ... yeah. More favouritism in the Ramon family - this time in the form of bread.]

Breads it not just --
huh
dude
was that a short joke? Or...
How old do you think I am???

[risers]

By the sounds of it, 15.

I used to give my little sister my white bread. Nothing wrong with wholemeal if she was enjoying herself.

[ in this scenario, it's white bread. in reality, it's anything and everything. if max wanted his ice-cream, he'd give it to him on the promise he enjoy it. ]

[viber]

DUDE.
I do not sound fifteen.
That hurts.

Everyone smart gives out white bread. White bread is the BEST.
Good brothers give their siblings white bread sandwiches.
Kudos.

My brother never gave me a sandwich.
He did once give me a dead leg that lasted two days.

[risers]

Fifteen and a half.

[ that's as nice as he's going to be. ]

Why did he give you a dead leg? Figured you'd talk him out of giving you one. You seem good at that.

[viber]

You are the worst, friend. WORST.

I can't remember but he was always big on the pain. Brothers, amirite??? Whatever. No biggie cause it doesn't matter and it's just like

so

hey, you like the way I talk?

[Yep, he's gonna get his ass out of this conversation about Dante before it gets to real and he has to have feelings about his butthead older brother. Soul crushing feelings. Stupid family.]

[risers]

[ alec thinks he can see what this cisco ramon's doing. he's blabbering, as one who likes to overshare does — and like one who wishes to overcompensate and distracts does, too. a part of him thinks to pursue this path of wholemeal bread vs white bread and what it truly means if someone gives you a certain slice, but alec isn't cruel. he doesn't need to know whether or not this "dante" is dead. sometimes childhood trauma is just too traumatic ... like not being given white bread can scar a kid. ]

We're not friends.

[viber]

WELL.
That hurts
I thought we had something special :(

Bro 💔💔💔

[risers]

Did you really just use broken heart emojis to try and emotionally blackmail me?

[ joke's on you, cisco, alec has no emotions. ]

[viber]

Just trying to convey how much you hurt me. FOR NO REASON.
Bros don't do that to bros.

[risers]

Do you even know my name?