[It's very sad how proud he is that he's figured out his little phone, but that's just one part of modern society that he's got down pat. The other is one that's long overdue, because his shirt is still blood-stained, starting to tear at the seams, and no matter how he tries to save it, it's no use.]

Hello anyone who's listening. I have a little problem that could use solving and I have just enough money to make it worth someone's while. Maybe you can see, but I don't exactly have very nice clothes for these days, hoping that someone could take pity and show me what it is people wear.

[Normal people, not the kind who he's seen around.]

There's some cash in it for you. Maybe a good drink? Whatever you find best, but it only happens after you help me.