004. Video; un: driver

[killertrack]

[ When the video starts, nothing shows but a Cadelle street. It's the middle of the night and the streetlamps are all the light around. There's music playing, obviously coming from the phone's speakers, tinny. But it's half covered by Baby's humming. ]

Hellooooo everyone! I thought I'd sing you a lullaby.

[ It's obvious that Baby is drunk when he starts speaking, even without being on the screen, and it's even more obvious when he moves the camera a little, half his face appearing, shadowed by the streetlights he's walking under. He's wearing sunglasses.

Eyes half closed, the unsteadiness of the video shows how much Baby has had earlier. He stumbles for a step, then stops, laughing to himself as he runs a hand over his face.

Then, he starts singing, along with the song playing: ]

So take a look at me now
Since I told you it's over
You got a hole in your heart
I'll find a four leaf clover
You can't tell me this now
This far down the line
That you're never, ever gonna get over me

[ He might be drunk, but at least he's not a bad singer. It's a bit wobbly, and there are tears in his voice as he sings, the words feeling like they're stabbing him, over and over.

Isabelle's gone.

He stops singing, looking ahead at the mostly empty street. He stumbles again, closes his eyes while he takes a deep breath, head tilted up to the sky. When he opens them again, and then turns to the camera, he's grinning. ]

Feels like a perfect night for a joyride, right?

[ The words are slurred, and Baby's smile is already wavering, but then he turns the camera to his car, parked a few feet away. ]

Comments

[wildkingdom]

All cars are dangerous.

[Don't question her tracking abilities, Baby, it's just going to confuse you more.]

But I'd rather drive than have you drive drink and get hurt.

[killertrack]

This one is extra dangerous.

[ He is drunk. But he knows oh so well how quickly this particular car goes from 0 to 60.

Still, he's not about to get into a fight with her. It seems like an even more dangerous idea, honestly, and he's way too drunk. He needs to sit down. So he slumps, walking slowly towards the passenger door. When he talks, he sounds very sad. ]

Okay. Okay.

[wildkingdom]

[Oh ... oh don't go sounding pitiful and sad. That's just depressing.

She takes the keys and goes to slide into the driver's seat, taking a deep breath as she settles behind the wheel. This car is a lot fancier than the ones she's used to - usually this is the kind of car that Peter drove. But she's gotten way better at driving so she just puts the key in the ignition and starts the car, puts it in gear, and very gently puts her foot on the gas.

The car shoots forward, she panics, slams on the breaks and they both lurch forward before she takes a breath.]

Sorry. Let's try that again.

[killertrack]

[ Baby, instinctively, puts his hands on the dash in front of him when she lurches forward, letting out a noise. Oh, his poor car.

He's drunk, and he's in a terrible state, but he can still help Malia out, right now. Driving is instinct to him, like so much of her... thing... must be for her. ]

Just go slow. Trust yourself. You're in control.

[ He'll have to give the car a thorough look in the morning - between this and the snow, it might need it. Without thinking, he puts his hand on Malia's, on top of the drive shift. ]

Show her who's boss, Malia.

[wildkingdom]

[Show her who's boss - easier said than done. But his faith in her helps a bit, and she takes a breath, before easing back onto the gas again, taking her time with the speed and building up as she gets a handle on the car.

Okay. Okay, this isn't so bad.]

[killertrack]

[ Baby's head falls back to the headrest, a smile on his lips as he takes his hand away from hers. ]

Here you go. Just keep it steady.

[ Eyes half-closed, he lets the purr of the engine lull him a little. ]

D'you think one day you won't hate driving?

[wildkingdom]

Probably.

[She pauses for a moment, keeping her eyes on the road.]

I used to hate a lot of things that I don't hate anymore. I just had to get used to them.

[killertrack]

[ He hums in response. He knows the feelings. ]

What do you love, now?

[wildkingdom]

[She pauses for a moment because she could say something dumb like dancing but the real answer is really something more complicated than that.]

Being me.

[There was a really long time where she didn't.]

[killertrack]

That's good.

[ If he sounds like he's falling asleep, it's because he might be. At least, it should tell Malia he's feeling safe with her. ]

I like who you are. I wish I liked who I am.

[wildkingdom]

Why don't you?

[It's probably a question she shouldn't ask but she's curious to know why, as she likes Baby, so he should clearly work on liking himself.]

[killertrack]

[ He sighs deeply, loudly, dramatically. Like a drunk guy with some flair for the dramatic. ]

Because I'm not a good person. I'm a criminal, Malia. I should be in prison.

[wildkingdom]

[She squints at him for a moment, before turning back to the road.]

What did you do?

[killertrack]

[ He opens his eyes, just to try and stop the flood of images of what, exactly, he's done. He's not proud of it. ]

I was a getaway driver, for a crime boss. Even if I wasn't the one committing the robberies... I was there, and I helped them get out.

[ He looks down at his hands on his lap. ]

I was really good at it, too.

[wildkingdom]

That's it?

[She was bracing herself for something super terrible here, like Baby was a serial killer in disguise, but all he did was drive a car.]

Did you kill anyone?

[killertrack]

[ He looks out the window, remembering all too well what he's done, how much worse it got. ]

Yes. I have.

[ It was survival. ]

It keeps me up at night.

[wildkingdom]

If it bothers you, that doesn't make you a bad person.

[People who kill without remorse, who enjoy it, who kill because they can and not just because they have to - those are bad people.]

Sometimes you have to. Sometimes you make a mistake, and sometimes it's something you can't control.

[killertrack]

I still don't know if it was a mistake or not. If I regret it.

[ The car is lulling, but the conversation isn't. The conversation is sobering, to Baby - too many bad memories, that just make him want to start drinking all over again, like it'd fix anything. ]

It was survival.

[wildkingdom]

[She understands that way too well so she tries to figure out the best way to convey that.]

My mom tried to kill me a few different times. She's still alive but ... sometimes you have to make that choice. Sometimes, it's you or them. There's nothing wrong with wanting to live.

[killertrack]

Your mom?

[ Baby's eyes fly open. That, to him, is... incongruous, doesn't compute, brain addled or not, it's just - impossible. His mother would have died for him.

Did die for him. ]

Fuck. Why?

[ How could she want to? ]

[wildkingdom]

[Oh this is going to be harder to explain.]

She's a psychopath.

[Literally.]

Killing people is kind of her thing, and she never wanted me in the first place, but my dad's sister talked her into having me, and when I was born she still regretted it. So she's made it her mission to murder me. It's been great.

[killertrack]

[ Baby listens to the story, his frown deepening at Malia's words. When she stops talking, he opens his hands in a helpless gesture, confused. ]

But that's insane! That's some fairytale evil queen bullshit.

[ He must be drunk, cursing like this. Joe would be so mad at him. ]

[wildkingdom]

I never said she was sane. And trust me, there is no love there at all.

[Zero. Nada. Zilch.]

I was adopted when I was a baby, and she was more my mom than the Desert Wolf ever was.

[killertrack]

[ The frown doesn't leave Baby's face, because he can't - he can't understand how someone could ever do this, be this kind of person, but then Malia says something else. ]

Oh, hey. I was adopted, too. But not as a baby. Later. I got lucky.

[wildkingdom]

[Malia nods a bit.]

Sometimes adopted parents are the better parents. Even if it's complicated.

[Like things with her and Peter are really complicated and she's coming around to his being in her life, but she's still glad that she was a Tate.]