cuddletalk | 004. Video; un: driver

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004. Video; un: driver

[ When the video starts, nothing shows but a Cadelle street. It's the middle of the night and the streetlamps are all the light around. There's music playing, obviously coming from the phone's speakers, tinny. But it's half covered by Baby's humming. ]

Hellooooo everyone! I thought I'd sing you a lullaby.

[ It's obvious that Baby is drunk when he starts speaking, even without being on the screen, and it's even more obvious when he moves the camera a little, half his face appearing, shadowed by the streetlights he's walking under. He's wearing sunglasses.

Eyes half closed, the unsteadiness of the video shows how much Baby has had earlier. He stumbles for a step, then stops, laughing to himself as he runs a hand over his face.

Then, he starts singing, along with the song playing: ]

So take a look at me now
Since I told you it's over
You got a hole in your heart
I'll find a four leaf clover
You can't tell me this now
This far down the line
That you're never, ever gonna get over me

[ He might be drunk, but at least he's not a bad singer. It's a bit wobbly, and there are tears in his voice as he sings, the words feeling like they're stabbing him, over and over.

Isabelle's gone.

He stops singing, looking ahead at the mostly empty street. He stumbles again, closes his eyes while he takes a deep breath, head tilted up to the sky. When he opens them again, and then turns to the camera, he's grinning. ]

Feels like a perfect night for a joyride, right?

[ The words are slurred, and Baby's smile is already wavering, but then he turns the camera to his car, parked a few feet away. ]

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( She gives him a small smile and shakes her head. While she can understand why he's apologizing, in her opinion, he doesn't need to be doing it. She's a total stranger butting into his sadness in an attempt to distract him from doing something incredibly dangerous. Jo doesn't know anything about him other than the fact that he likes good music, he's drunk, and he's upset. There's no point in him apologizing for being upset when she came into this conversation already aware of it. )

Seriously it's okay. You don't have to be. I believe you.

( Jo smiles again, this time with a little less sympathy. )

Can you walk there? Like, is it close?

[ Baby nods quickly, licking his lips as he looks away from his phone's camera and out to the street. From here, he can almost see the store's sign. It's a good thing that the city center of Cadelle isn't sprawling. ]

Yeah, it's close.

[ He could do with sitting down, anyway. And when she gets to B-Sides, Jo will probably find Baby sitting on the floor, back against one of the displays, listening to some depressing song playing from the store's speakers. ]

( That's good at least, she finds herself thinking with relief. At least she didn't just give him another reason to get into the car, when the whole point was to talk him out of it in the first place. )

I'll meet you, then. How does that sound?

( She doesn't wait for an answer before starting to head out, asking people on the street as she goes if they can direct her. Luckily, it doesn't take too terribly long to find her way and he's sitting on the floor listening to music, saying and doing little else.

Jo peeks in a little, catching her bottom lip between her teeth with concern. )

Hey there... So what are you playing now?

[ Baby's eyes open when the bell above the store door twinkles lightly over the music. He has a whole playlist, at this point, of terribly sad songs. ]

The Cure. Know them? Friday I'm In Love?

[ She looks just as young as Baby is, so maybe she doesn't, but it's the kind of songs he found on countless iPods. It must have been popular. He looks at Jo, twirling a vinyl cover in his hands. She's pretty. ]

You're pretty.

[ Yep. Still drunk. ]

( Lowering herself onto the floor to sit beside him, Jo shakes her head. She hasn't heard of literally any of the music he's mentioned or that she's heard playing since she got here. They're nearly five hundred years behind where she had been back home, so that makes sense, but it doesn't really seem like a point worth bringing up just now. )

Can't say that I have.

( She smiles a little at the compliment, but doesn't take it as a flirtation the way she normally would because it's clearly not his intention when he's feeling the way he's said he's feeling. )

Thank you. You're pretty cute yourself.

( Jo doesn't say that with any sort of playful or flirty lilt in her tone; she sounds like she's just making a matter of fact statement because she is. He's good looking, it probably wouldn't suck for him to hear it right now, but she isn't going to try to hit on a drunk guy missing his girlfriend. That would probably take a special level of desperate Jo can't foresee herself becoming. There's a time and a place; this isn't either. )

What was she like? Your girlfriend?

( Sometimes, Dave would feel better when he could dwell on the good memories after finding out what Cass had done with Mox. That might not work with everyone, but she's willing to give it a shot with Baby, because it's better than just sitting here saying nothing at all, isn't it? )

How? How?

[ He can't quite imagine how it is possible for anyone, anyone at all living in the same world he's lived in his whole life to not know The Cure. It'd be like, not knowing Jimi Hendrix, or Queen.

But then again, he has no idea she's from the future, and in his current state, it's not going to even cross his mind she could be.

He smiles when she throws his compliment back at him, closing his eyes for a moment. It does feel nice to hear, even if it means little. And they might have just met, and he might be drunk, but he can't imagine anyone would try to pick him up right now. It doesn't feel like she's flirting.

Her question about Isabelle makes his jaw clench for a second. ]

Selfless. The kind of person that wants to save the world without thinking about her own well-being, you know? She's also, like. Breathtakingly beautiful. I couldn't - couldn't believe she had any interest in me.

[ Letting his head loll to the side, Baby fixes Jo with an unsteady look. ]

What's your wish like? Is it selfish like mine?

( Jo's eyes widen a little and her eyebrows lift. She's not really sure how to answer that, at first, because well...she just...doesn't know who they are. She can't help it. She's also not really sure whether that's an actual question or a rhetorical one. )

I just...don't? I don't know when that music is from. If it's from nowish, then that would explain a lot because it seems like everyone I meet is from way, way in the past compared to me.

( A small smile crosses Jo's expression when he talks about his girlfriend. It falters a little when he sort of gives himself a backhanded compliment, in a way, but she shakes her head and shrugs her shoulders in response to his question rather than probing about the girlfriend. Talking about her that much didn't seem to make him feel much better, so pushing the subject certainly won't. )

It depends on how you look at it. My wish is for my best friend's success, which sounds really selfless, but when you consider the fact that he's also my employer and my employment absolutely hinges on his success, it's really a little selfish as well, so... Yeah.

( She doesn't have a problem sharing her wish, but it's not really that personal, either. Dave's success means he gets to stay busy and he tends to be happier that way. That means her bestie is happy, and then she stays employed and keeps making a shitload of money having the time of her life and helping Dave, so she's happy; everybody wins. )

I think it's probably okay for wishes to be selfish though, I mean...they're wishes. That's kind of what they're literally for, isn't it?

[ This - this is something Baby will definitely have to unpack once sober. Instead of trying to understand what she means when his brain is muddled and his vision is blurry, he focuses on the wish stuff. If you can call that 'focus'.

Around them, the next song in Baby's playlist starts up, and he closes his eyes. He thought he knew what heartbreak felt like, and he did. But not the romantic kind. The romantic kind is different, somehow more acute, and now, it makes all the sense in the world to Baby that musicians focus so much on it. ]

I don't like to think I'm selfish, but I am. I'm here because I'm scared, and because I want to protect people I love, not the whole world. People important to me. And I wanted Isabelle to stay, even though she has so many more important things to do back home. That's not - [ He wrinkles his nose, purses his lips. ] That's not cute.

( Jo watches him with mild interest and absolute sympathy when he closes his eyes as a new song plays. This playlist is, like, really sad. Then again, it's hardly the first time she's sat with someone while he listened to sad music and felt sorry for himself as he mourned the loss of a relationship; it probably won't be the last, either.

She shakes her head and shrugs her shoulders. )

I don't think that's selfish, Baby, I think that's human. Sure, there's people out there like her who go above and beyond with selflessness, but the fact that you reflexively want to protect yourself and the people important to you instead of the world at large is not selfish. It's normal.

You like being normal?

[ He asks, not planning on sounding mean, just curious. ]

I've never done the 'normal' thing. My life hasn't really been what you'd call normal. Who learns how to drive at 10 years old? I became a criminal's getaway driver at 13.

[ Sighing loudly, he taps the melody to the song against a knee. he feels mildly clearer-headed than he has in a few hours. And while he realizes they're talking about different things, it's good to say these things out loud. To admit to his own selfishness, the depths of it. ]

I've avoided normal for a long time. And now I feel like I have to... try even harder, here. Make sure I make up for all the stuff I've done in the past.

( He might not mean it, but that's something of a loaded question for Jo. Before Eagan Hills, she'd been little more than an insecure teenage girl, wanting nothing more than to fit in and be liked. There's a reason she's had so much plastic surgery. There's a less practical reason for the biogenetic extensions. For a long time, that's all Jo wanted; to fit in. Normal and fitting in tend to go hand in hand. )

Suits me well, at least I like to think it does.

( But hearing the way things have been for Baby, Jo frowns a little. )

Maybe it's time to stop avoiding normal and let it happen if that's the direction life is going to take you. The more you try to avoid it, the more likely you are to run yourself into the ground. Besides, your normal and my normal might be completely different things, so you can't assume that what's normal to you will still register as normal to everyone else. If they're the ones you're worried about, then you're probably worrying over nothing, you know?

Maybe it's time to just...be, Baby.

[ Letting out a deep breath, Baby shakes his head. ]

That's who Baby is. The cars, the police chases, the music. Almost never talking, to anyone, in fear of showing myself too much. The stealing, the danger, the adrenaline. That's all he is.

[ That's all Baby is. All he's known, and good for. That's all the name means, at this point.

Which is why he turns back to Jo, and, heart beating in his throat, says: ]

Miles. That's my real name, Miles. Maybe it's who I should be try to be.

( Jo's eyebrows lift when he tells her that his real name is Miles. Whatever he's gone through, he clearly feels a disconnect between who he "is" now and who he is, as far as she can tell, so she nods to encourage him. If that's what he thinks he should do, then she thinks he should do it, too. Chances are, his instincts are correct, drunk or no. )

Maybe. I'll call you Miles if you want.

( Maybe she's misunderstanding, but maybe she isn't and maybe if even one person calls him by his real name, he can make himself into the person he wants to be, not the person Baby had become for, presumably, the adults around him. )

I think you should do what your heart tells you to do. That sounds corny, I know it does, but I really do believe that.

[ After a moment, he shakes his head, biting his lip softly. ]

In private, if you want. Not in public. I guess I'd... I'd like to know who I am, before the whole world knows.

[ It might not make sense. In his head, his thoughts fueled by alcohol, it does. Hopefully Jo gets him, at least a little. ]

These days, I feel like I am. Focusing on the music, it's... it's good. It's what I've wanted, most of my life. But I still love driving. I feel like I can't do both.

( Jo nods a little, her smile soft. )

That makes sense. But it's better if it's not what I want to call you; it's better if it's what you want to be called. Do you want me to? Call you Miles in private, so you can decide how you like the sound of it...?

( It's just an offer she figures is worth putting on the table. There's nothing that says he has to stick with it or even let her to begin with, after all, and she has no real horse in that race. She's just trying to help. )

Let me ask you this: is is the driving or is it the reason behind the driving that you love? Because if it's just the driving itself, there's plenty of easy fixes for that.

( Legal ones that won't make him feel so bad about himself. At least, she's getting the idea that he feels pretty bad about himself, in any case. )

[ He takes a moment before answering, thinking about it, wondering how it'd feel for someone to call him Miles, to treat him like a Miles, to use his birth name instead of one he was given by a crime lord. To shed the anonymity and the memories associated with Baby. To become a new him, if he so wishes to be. A musician, an artist. Likes Miles Davis. ]

Yeah. Yeah, I think I'd like that.

[ Most of the time, he doesn't feel like a Miles. He doesn't feel like a Baby, either, so maybe he should try the name on for size. He's got nothing to lose. ]

I love driving. I love the control, I love being in charge of a fast car. I love the freedom, too, knowing I can go anywhere, see anything. Just hop in and never stop. Leave everything behind. I love all of that. I love being good at something. And I'm really, really good at driving.

( Jo smiles a little and nods. Whatever she can do to help him, Baby seems like a cool guy who just happens to be going through a rough time. She's willing to do what she can to make things better, because she's betting he'd be pretty cool to hang out with. )

Then Miles it is. I like that name.

( Leaning back against the wall, Jo stretches her legs out and looks over at him. )

Be an Uber driver. I heard that's a thing where you can kind of be like your own taxi cab company, sort of. Or...be a race car driver. Then you can drive fast and get paid for it. Or...just drive when you want to drive, you know? You can do any or all of those things and still get to embrace the driving, but not necessarily have to be Baby, you know?

I think - [ And that's a difficult thing to do, thoughts running past him before he has time to latch on to them and decide if they're good or not - ]

I think that, Baby is the driving side of me, you know? The fast and furious thing, with the money and the beautiful cars. And the Miles side is more about the music, and the creating, and trying to - to be good.

[ Maybe he has to let go of one to be the other. Maybe they can work hand in hand. He isn't sure, but he guesses that's where he's got to work to... find himself, or something. ]

Gotta sort out if I can be both.

( As she listens, Jo nods a little with understanding. She doesn't have different names for work Jo versus regular Jo, but they do feel a little like two separate entities sometimes, so she gets that to an extent.

Reaching over to take his hand, Jo gives it a quick little squeeze of reassurance before letting go again. )

I'm sure you can be both, it just might be a delicate balancing act at first. I believe in you.

( She pauses for a moment. )

Do you want someone to walk home with? Not that I'm saying you should or have to leave right now, but just...generally speaking?

[ He looks down at their hands when she reaches out, the touch surprising to him, but welcome - he's not actually touched anyone since Isabelle left.

When Jo mentions going home, though, Baby sighs, and nods, slowly. He can't keep hiding in here. ]

I do need to get some sleep. You'd walk with me?

[ He stands, unsteady, holding on to the shelves as he looks down at Jo. ]

Thanks, for - for this. You've been so nice.

Sure, why not?

( It seems like such a small gesture to Jo, anyway, especially if he lives in the welcome district like she does. Why wouldn't she want to make sure he got home safe after coming out here to make sure he didn't do something unsafe to begin with?

She gets to her feet after he stands, and she waits, wanting to make sure that he's steady and, if he isn't, she's still standing within reach if he needs something sturdy to grab onto when he lets go of the shelves. )

You're welcome, Miles. I have my moments.

( The smirk on her face suggests that she's kidding. She's nice more often than she isn't, honestly. )

Let's go.

Edited 2018-01-20 19:44 (UTC)

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004. Video; un: driver

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